


hypocrisy

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Group Sex, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Recreational Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-08
Updated: 2007-08-08
Packaged: 2019-02-07 15:33:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12844173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Jin is a bad influence.





	hypocrisy

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

Jin frowned and looked down at his frilly pink apron that said ‘Fondue Me’ in English. “You don’t like it?”

“Is that any way to greet your host, Kame-chan?” Koki chided as he brushed past Kame and gave Jin a nod. “‘Sup, Akanish~?”

“What it is, yo.” Jin nodded back, gesturing around him. “Come in, come in. Make yourselves at home. I’m cooking!” He fled to the kitchen as a hint of smoke wafted past his nose.

“Oh, no,” said Ueda under his breath, following behind Kame. “I knew we should have eaten before we got here.”

Maru pursed his lips disapprovingly. “Don’t be an ass, Tat-chan. Jin just wants to show us his new apartment.”

“Besides, there’s a McDonald’s across the street,” Kame pointed out. “I wouldn’t have expected anything less from Akanishi.”

“I heard that!” Jin hollered from the kitchen.

“I _said_ that!” Kame replied, rolling his eyes.

“Where’s Taguchi?” Ueda asked, looking around. “Did he get here before us?”

“Junno is… asleep,” Jin said uncertainly, poking his head around the corner. “He got here last night. We may have had a little too much… fun.”

“Oh, no,” Ueda said for the second time in two minutes. “Did you get him drunk, Akanishi?”

“I did no such thing.” Jin looked offended. “Igothimhigh.”

“EH~!?” four voices screeched at him.

“He wanted to!” Jin cried defensively. “I was telling him how I tried it in America and -”

Kame crossed the room in one stride and slapped Jin upside the head. Continuously. “You are a stupid, stupid idiot. Drugs are bad.”

“Pot makes you lose brain cells,” Koki added. “I don’t think you can afford to lose anymore.”

Jin pouted. “That’s not very nice, Koki-kun.”

“Neither is tainting Taguchi’s reputation,” said Ueda. “Everyone knows he’s the good one.”

“He wanted to do it!” Jin repeated. “He even went with me to get it.”

“Who did you get it from?” Kame demanded, grabbing Jin by the collar.

“I’m certainly not telling you,” said Jin huffily.

“Calm your roll, Kamenashi,” said Maru nonchalantly. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Thank you, Nakamaru,” Jin said emphatically, making a face at Kame as he was let go.

Kame turned his wrath to Maru. “He corrupted Junno!”

“Are you deaf? Junno _wanted_ to be corrupted. As do I, in fact.” Maru flashed his eyes enticingly towards Jin. “You got any left?”

“What the hell.” Kame gaped at Maru. “You _want_ to smoke the pot?”

“Listen, Kaa-san,” said Maru. “I am twenty-four years old and I will do as I please. I’ll thank you to get off of my ass.”

Jin applauded as he returned to the kitchen. “Of course I have some left. Pi hooked me _up_.”

“ _Yamashita_ gave it to you?” Kame exploded.

“Will somebody restrain him?” Maru asked irritably, following Jin.

“I’m on it,” said Koki, rolling up his sleeves.

Humming to himself, Ueda took a seat on the brand-new leather couch and flipped on the TV, ignoring the sounds of Koki struggling to pin Kame’s hands behind his back. “Nice place, Akanishi.”

“Thanks!” Jin replied brightly. “You want in on this, Tat-chan?”

“Sure, why not.” Ueda shrugged. “I have nothing better to do.”

“I can _not_ believe -” Kame stopped short as Junno exited Jin’s bedroom. He was wearing a pair of Jin’s pajamas that were way too big on him, his hair completely disheveled.

“Oh, hey, what’s up guys,” Junno said with a yawn, stretching his arms over his head. The collar on Jin’s shirt fell over both of his shoulders, exposing some dubious marks that definitely hadn’t been there in yesterday’s rehearsal.

Kame pushed away from Koki, who was too stunned to stop him. “You had sex!” Kame yelled accusingly, pointing straight at Junno.

“Who had sex?” Jin yelled, flying into the room with a half-rolled joint in one hand and a dripping ladle in the other. “Oh, it’s just Taguchi.”

“‘Oh, it’s just Taguchi’,” Ueda mocked. “Has it ever occurred to you that the concept of Taguchi having sex might be compared to, I don’t know, aliens landing on the Earth?”

“It might be,” said Jin, “if he hadn’t been having sex with _me_.”

Six eyes blinked; Maru clapped Jin on the back and Junno rubbed his eyes. “We had sex? Awesome.”

Jin looked hurt. “You don’t remember?”

“No, I remember,” Junno replied sleepily, stumbling towards the bathroom. “I’m just not awake yet. I still feel all weird.”

“I. Am. Speechless,” Kame said quietly, shaking his head in disbelief.

“So Akanishi and Taguchi had sex,” said Maru, shrugging. “Whatever. I’m hungry. What’s cooking?”

“Fondue,” Jin replied, pointing to his apron. “It’s the easiest thing in the world to make and it’s delicious. Those Americans sure know how to save time and eat well.”

Kame slumped into the recliner, looking like someone had run him over with a semi. “I need a drink.”

Ueda gave him a sympathetic look.

“Hypocrite,” Jin muttered, putting the finishing touches on his joint.

“Excuse me?”

“I said ‘hypocrite’,” Jin enunciated. “Shall I say it in English?”

“I heard you the first time,” said Kame testily. “I’d like to know _why_ I’m a hypocrite.”

“Because there’s no difference between alcohol and drugs,” Jin explained. “They both impair your mind and destroy your body. You’re giving me shit for getting high when you drink more than any of us, and that makes you a hypocrite.”

“Hear, hear,” Maru agreed. “Light that shit, Akanishi.”

Jin licked the paper. “Hold on. It’s almost done.”

“Have you ever gotten high before, Yuichi?” Koki asked cautiously.

“No.” Maru shrugged again. “There’s a first time for everything.”

Jin and Koki shared a knowing look. “Shotguns only,” Jin whispered, followed by Koki’s nod. “At first,” he added at Maru’s raised eyebrow.

“What’s a shotgun?” Kame demanded.

“I guess that means I’m smoking too,” said Koki, ignoring Kame.

“Okay,” said Jin indifferently, also ignoring Kame. “I take it you don’t want me to shotgun him?”

Koki stared hard at Jin. “Not particularly.”

“Wait for me!” Junno screeched as he exited the bathroom, soaring across the room and diving onto the couch, halfway in Ueda’s lap.

Jin chuckled and held the finished product up to his eyes. “Ne~, this is going to get interesting.”

Junno grinned under his fringe of bangs, making no effort to move.

Kame eyed Koki. “When have _you_ done it before?”

“I did a dorama with Yamashita,” Koki replied, as though that explained everything.

“So did I!” Kame exclaimed. “He never said anything to me -”

“That’s because he knew you’d freak out about it,” said Jin calmly. “Come on, think about it. Do you honestly believe Akira’s character was sober?”

Kame frowned in thought. “I guess not.”

Waving the abnormally large joint around, Jin smirked at Kame. “Are you in?”

“ _No_ ,” Kame said firmly. “In fact, the only reason I’m staying is to make sure you guys don’t do anything stupid.”

“In your opinion, we already are,” pointed out Ueda.

“Stupid like try to fly out the window,” Kame clarified.

“Oh, Kame-chan,” Jin said with a laugh. “I am entirely too lazy to do anything effort-consuming like that.”

“Light it, light it!” cried Junno excitedly.

Jin felt around in his pockets. “Shit, my lighter’s in the bedroom. Does anyone -?”

Kame flung his turtle-shaped Zippo at him, hitting him square in the nose.

“Hypocrite,” Jin said again, handing the lighter and joint to Koki. “Guests first.”

Koki’s eyes widened as he accepted the items. “Does this mean I have to shotgun Yuichi right away?”

“Yes,” Jin and Maru said together.

Koki swallowed forcibly. “Okay, then he needs to come sit by me.”

Ueda scooted over as Maru squeezed in between him and Koki, Junno curling up contently in Ueda’s lap.

Koki turned to face Maru. “I’m going to take my hit and exhale it into your mouth. When I do that, you inhale it and hold it for as long as you can. Okay?”

Kame’s mouth dropped open. “ _That’s_ a shotgun?”

Maru nodded. “Got it.”

“Ne~, Jin-chan,” said Junno. “Didn’t you shotgun me last night?”

“In the beginning, yeah,” Jin replied. “Until you started making out with me.”

“Which is exactly why _I’m_ doing this,” muttered Koki.

“You want me to make out with you?” asked Maru amusedly.

“I don’t want you to make out with Akanishi,” Koki clarified.

Jin rolled his eyes. “Will you just do it already?”

“Do I have to be shotgunned too?” asked Ueda. “I’ve never smoked before either.”

“I’ll shotgun you, Tat-chan,” Junno offered, winking.

“It’s only a precautionary measure,” said Jin, sounding like he was reading out of an instruction manual. “Until we know how it’s going to affect you.”

“People behave differently under the influence,” Koki added. “The reaction we’re the most worried about is violence. If any of you fuckers get violent, you’re cut off. The shotgun lessens the effect considerably, giving us time to diagnose your reaction before it gets full-blown.”

“It’s like putting on a condom before you fuck,” Jin summarized.

Kame sighed. “At least you’re being safe.”

“I get giggly and hyper,” said Jin. “Junno gets horny, obviously.”

“I get lazy,” said Koki. “I think we’ll be all right.”

Ueda regarded Junno oddly. “Don’t rape me, okay?”

“Okay, Tat-chan,” Junno replied, hugging him.

“Can we get on with this?” asked Maru impatiently.

Placing the joint between his lips, Koki flicked the Zippo and inhaled slowly. Maru started to lean in, but Koki put a hand out to halt him, closing his eyes as he let the smoke accumulate in his lungs before waving Maru forward and pressing their lips together. Not a wisp of smoke snuck out as it was transferred, and Koki pulled away right before Maru started coughing.

“Ah, initiation hack,” Jin said with a grin. “Don’t worry, it’ll be easier to hold it in the more you do it.”

Maru inhaled sharply, holding his chest as his coughs subsided. “Damn,” was all he could say, although his sideglance at Koki was indecipherable.

“It’s really a catch twenty-two,” Koki said airily, leaning across Maru to hand the joint to Junno. “Coughing makes you get higher, which kind of defeats the purpose of a shotgun to begin with.”

Jin shrugged. “Technicalities.”

Junno took his hit expertly, his eyelids fluttering as he held it in and passed to Jin. Without any warning, he grabbed Ueda’s face with both hands and seized his mouth, his tongue obviously running along Ueda’s bottom lip as wisps of smoke leaked out.

Maru laughed, covering his mouth as they morphed into giggles. “You didn’t shotgun me like _that_ , Koki-kun.”

Leaning back on the couch, Koki slapped Maru good-naturedly on the back. “What, do you want me to?”

Maru just kept giggling and toppled back onto Koki’s arm. Koki let it fall over Maru’s shoulders like it belonged there while Maru settled his head on Koki’s collarbone.

Jin smirked as smoke exited through Ueda’s nose, yet neither he nor Junno made an effort to separate; in fact, Ueda tilted his head and pulled Junno closer. “Sure you don’t want a shotgun, Kame-chan?” Jin asked seductively, wiggling his eyebrows at Kame.

“No, thanks,” said Kame in a bored tone.

“Suit yourself.” Jin inhaled, perching on the arm of the recliner where Kame sat, and held the joint out to Koki.

Koki double-hit this time. “Ne~,” he said in a strained voice, holding in his smoke as he leaned over and poked Maru with his nose. Maru looked up, paying no mind to Koki’s close proximity, and accepted the shotgun eagerly. Koki waited until he was sure that Maru wouldn’t cough again, at which time the joint was held carelessly up in the air as he tugged Maru into his lap, Maru giggling into his mouth all the while.

“You guys don’t fuck around,” Jin noted, amused at how Ueda managed to find Koki’s hand in the air and snatched the joint without incident. He was starting to feel it himself; Yamapi must have given him some good shit.

This time Ueda took the hit and shotgunned Junno, and Jin plopped into Maru’s abandoned spot to take his turn. “Who knew you could fit five people on this couch?” he wondered out loud, chuckling to himself as he sucked on the joint and blew complicated smoke rings towards Kame.

“Impressive,” Kame said dryly.

“Oh, come on, Kame-chan,” said Jin, pouting as he tapped Maru on the shoulder to take the joint. “You’re no fun.”

“Why, because I won’t make out with you?” Kame laughed bitterly.

“It feels weird,” Junno offered, breaking apart from Ueda to take a much-needed breath of air. “Like, the contact. It’s hard to explain.”

“Yeah,” said Ueda, who was squinting more than normal. “What he said.”

“Each touch feels like a little electric shock,” Koki added, his eyes rolling back as Maru kissed along his neck. “In a good way.”

Kame grunted. “That’s nice.”

“Oh, Akanishi is left out,” Ueda mused sadly, as if he just noticed Jin sitting next to him. “Do you want me to shotgun you?”

Jin chuckled. “No, I don’t like them very much. But you can kiss me if you want.”

“Okay.” Ueda exhaled his hit and passed to Junno before wrapping his arms around Jin’s neck and capturing his lips. Ueda was a slow, tantalizing kisser, one who made Jin momentarily forget his surroundings and lean back on the couch, trying to pull Ueda down with him. He was met with resistance in the form of Junno in Ueda’s lap, but Junno was kind enough to get out of the way and Jin grunted his appreciation as Ueda’s body crashed down on top of him. He didn’t even notice that his head was resting on Maru’s thigh, and neither did Maru.

Junno looked at a loss of whom to pass to. Koki and Maru were very preoccupied, as were Jin and Ueda. “Kame-chan?” he asked hopefully.

“Oh, give me the damn thing,” Kame said exasperatedly, reaching out towards Junno. “If I have to sit here and watch this, I may as well enjoy it.”

“I should shotgun you, Kame-chan,” Junno said hesitantly, holding the joint back out of Kame’s reach.

Kame sighed. “Whatever.”

There was a loud thud as Jin pushed Ueda away, accidentally sending him to the floor. “I’ll do it!” he volunteered, scrambling to get up from the couch only to fall on top of Ueda. “Oh, shit, Tat-chan, are you okay?”

“Get your fat ass off me,” Ueda groaned. “I can’t breathe.”

Frowning, Jin leaned back on his heels. “You have to come over here, Kame-chan. I’m stuck.” He smiled goofily as Junno began playing with his hair.

“This is a very bad idea,” Kame said, more to himself than anyone else, but regardless he crossed the room and knelt in front of Jin. He took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said, “Ready.”

Junno held the joint to Jin’s lips as he took his hit and stretched out behind them to nudge Maru (or Koki – he couldn’t be sure whose leg it was) until it was taken from his fingers. Jin inhaled loudly, motioning for Kame to come closer; Kame reluctantly pushed his face forward inch by inch, his motions jerky as his lips neared Jin’s. Just before they made contact, Jin exhaled roughly and Kame choked as the smoke went up his nose.

“I’m so sorry, Kame-chan!” Jin pleaded, patting Kame on the back. “You took too long. I can’t hold it in forever.”

“Shit,” Kame managed to say between coughs. “That hurt.”

A loud moan sounded from behind them, and Jin whipped his head around to see Ueda’s hand disappearing between Koki and Maru’s legs. Ueda grinned satisfactorily as Maru rolled his hips into Koki, deepening their kiss even more as Koki spread his legs to accommodate.

Junno giggled. “Tat-chan, what are you doing?”

“Playing,” Ueda answered simply, his eyes locked on his hand’s ministrations. “Maru makes the best noises.”

“How the fuck do you know?” Koki snapped, abruptly tearing his mouth away from Maru’s.

“Shh, Koki-kun,” said Maru comfortingly, coaxing Koki’s face back towards him.

“Protective, isn’t he,” Kame observed.

Jin leaned down to whisper. “I think that this is more than just messing around for him. Shh, I didn’t tell you that.”

“We all heard you, jackass,” said Ueda.

“Is that true, Koki-kun?” Maru asked softly.

Koki grunted and tried to look away, which was rather difficult to do with Maru straddling his lap. “Maybe,” he replied in defeat. “I still want to know how Ueda knows.”

“I caught him jerking off years ago,” Ueda replied nonchalantly, shifting his hand to focus more on Koki. “He didn’t know I was there and I never said anything about it. Until now, that is.”

“Embarrassing,” Maru muttered into Koki’s neck.

Koki appeared to forget his anger as Ueda squeezed him through his pants. “S’okay,” he mumbled.

“Wow, this feels weird,” said Ueda. “I’ve never felt someone get hard before. It’s so empowering.”

“Empowering?” Jin repeated. “What do you mean?”

“I mean – here.” Ueda grabbed Jin’s hand and put it on his crotch. “Feel that?”

“I see,” said Jin, nodding as Ueda stiffened under his touch.

Junno threw his hand in as well. “Wow, you’re right.”

Ueda moaned loudly, throwing his head back against the floor. “Fuck, you guys. Now I don’t want you to stop.”

Wordlessly, Jin reached for Ueda’s belt while Junno unzipped his fly. Together they exposed his erection, Jin wrapping his hand around it while Junno leant down to flick his tongue against the head.

“Oh, my _God_ ,” Ueda gasped. “Don’t stop. _Please_ don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Junno whispered just before taking Ueda into his mouth.

Seeing that his assistance wasn’t needed there anymore, Jin removed his hand and returned to Kame, who was gaping in awe at the sight of one of his bandmates sucking off another. “Jealous?” Jin asked with a sly smile.

Kame opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. His eyes went back and forth between Jin and Junno, finally settling on Jin and staring at him like he had three heads. “You planned this, didn’t you?”

“We both know I’m not that smart,” Jin replied, pouting a little as he crawled predatorily towards Kame. “You don’t have to be jealous, though. I’ll do whatever you do.”

In a perfect imitation of a fish, Kame opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, cocking his head as though looking at the situation from another angle would make it more sensible. “What do you mean ‘whatever I do’?”

“I mean -” Jin looped an arm around Kame’s waist, lifted him up, and placed him behind Junno. “For example, say you were to fondle Junno a little. I would do the same to you.”

Junno wiggled his ass invitingly.

Kame made a face. “What kind of fucked up game is this?”

“Where’s the J, Akanishi?” asked Ueda, a low moan escaping after every other word as he tugged on Junno’s hair with one hand and groped Koki and Maru with the other.

“I got it!” Koki called out, emphasized by a grunt as Maru bit his neck affectionately. “Working on making a roachclip out of one of Ueda’s barrettes.”

“Teamwork,” Jin said to Kame. “See how we’re all helping each other?”

“You two should get up on the couch,” Maru suggested, speaking very deeply against Koki’s skin. “Then we can make a circle.”

“Maru,” Jin snorted, giggling. “Circle – Maru. Get it?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Kame asked worriedly. “I don’t want to – I’ve never – I mean, I don’t know -”

“Shut _up_ , Kamenashi,” Ueda groaned. “You’re killing my buzz.”

“Send him over here,” said Maru, snatching the roach from Koki and looking at Kame with glazed eyes.

“Yuichi…” Koki said warningly.

“Don’t ‘Yuichi…’ me,” Maru snapped. “You’re the only one I want to fuck. Remember that.”

“Aw, how romantic,” Ueda said, a goofy smile forming on his face.

“But right now Kame needs our help,” Maru went on. “Don’t you want to help Kame?”

“You want to do that… with me?” Koki gasped, eyes wide.

“Of course!” Maru exclaimed brightly. “I love you, Koki-kun.”

“Aw,” chorused Jin and Ueda.

“I love you too, Yuu-chan,” Koki said, blushing.

Kame hopped up on the sofa and seized the neglected roach from Maru, instantly putting it to his lips and sucking hard. “I’m not nearly fucked up enough for this,” he said airlessly as he passed to Jin.

Maru kissed Koki fiercely, holding him close like he was in danger of leaving. Koki smacked Ueda’s hand away and grabbed Maru by the ass, grinding their lower halves together completely and somehow managing to toss Maru down onto the sofa, his head landing on Kame’s lap. They tore each other’s shirts off and cast them aside, Maru’s ending up on Jin’s head, paying no attention to anything or anyone around as they both reached down to touch the other.

“Um…” said Kame slowly, looking around the commotion in his lap in search of an escape route.

Ueda leaned up on one elbow and smacked Koki directly on the ass. “Stop traumatizing Kamenashi,” he scolded.

Koki tore his mouth away from Maru’s, groaning deeply and collapsing flush against him. His face ended up in Kame’s fly, but Koki didn’t seem to notice.

“I think he liked that, Tat-chan,” Maru said with a smirk, shifting his head to give Koki more room. “I also think he’s about to further traumatize Kamenashi.”

“Kamenashi does not mind,” Kame replied in a strained voice, leaning back as Koki realized where his head was and tentatively pressed his lips to the bulge in Kame’s pants. “Kamenashi most definitely does not mind.”

Jin frowned. “You stole my Kame-chan, you bastard.”

“Yuichi,” said Koki, his voice muffled for obvious reasons. “Go shut Jin up.”

“Gladly,” said Maru, rolling off of the couch and pouncing on Jin like a cat on a bird. Jin met him halfway, wrapping his arms around the small form as Maru kissed him sloppily.

A loud, raunchy groan broke everyone’s concentration, and four sets of eyes turned to watch Ueda grab Junno’s hair and thrust into his mouth as his face scrunched up with the force of orgasm.

“First one to come has to roll the next joint,” Jin announced. “Ganbatte, Tat-chan.”

“Give me a cigarette, Akanishi,” ordered Ueda.

“Fuck you, you’ll wait until I’m done,” Jin snapped back, returning his attention to Maru.

“Nakamaru,” Ueda said calmly, “if you make him come in the next five minutes, I’ll blow you.”

Maru flashed a grin and stuck his hand in Jin’s pants, going straight for his semi-hard cock and stroking it rapidly. Jin’s breath came in spurts as he hardened to full mast and threatened to burst. “Jesus, Nakamaru.”

“Just Nakamaru is fine,” Maru said, sticking out his tongue.

Jin stretched his neck to seize that tongue, pulling it into his mouth as the rest of Maru fell down on top of him. Jin reached for Maru’s erection, pumping him just as fast and getting closer to release with each high-pitched moan that escaped from Maru’s lungs.

“What’d I tell you about the noises,” Ueda said knowingly, batting Jin’s hand away and lifting Maru’s lower half to sneak his head underneath him, sucking Maru’s cock past his lips.

Maru tore his mouth away from Jin’s, no longer able to concentrate on kissing, burying his face in Jin’s neck as he thrust wildly into Ueda’s mouth, continuing to moan incoherencies. With Maru’s head out of the way, Jin caught sight of Kame, who had his mouth gaped open and his eyes squeezed shut as Koki bobbed up and down on his length.

“Kame-chan,” Jin gasped. “Look at me.”

Kame’s eyes slit open and Jin’s world exploded. He struggled to watch Kame as orgasm overtook all three of them, Jin harmonizing with Maru while Kame grunted and sighed.

Junno immediately pulled Koki towards him, sharing his taste of Ueda with Koki’s taste of Kame as Koki rolled unceremoniously off of the couch, their hands directly shoving into each other’s pants.

Ueda rolled out from between Jin and Maru, making a face as he ran his fingers through his hair and glared hard at Jin. “You came in my _hair_ , Akanishi. Gimme a fucking cigarette.”

“Me too,” said Kame breathlessly.

“Me three,” said Maru as he climbed off of Jin and fell backwards against Ueda, who cupped his jaw and turned his head around for a deep kiss.

“Get your own, mooches,” said Jin, reaching for his pack and finding Kame’s turtle Zippo in the mess of crap on the coffee table. “Don’t you have your own, Kame-chan?”

“They’re all the way over _there_ ,” Kame whined, pointing towards the recliner where a pack of cigarettes was wedged between the cushions.

“I’ll get them if you let me have one,” said Maru, licking along Ueda’s throat.

“Deal.”

Maru scrambled to his knees, immediately collapsing to the floor and pulling himself the remaining distance with his hands. It took him three tries to grab Kame’s pack; he yelled “Yay!” as he grabbed one stick and tossed the box over his shoulder.

It hit Koki in his flushed face just as he and Junno stilled and gasped. “Ow, fucker… oh hey, smokes. I think I will. Are they menthol?”

“No,” said Kame, snatching the box and lighting up.

“Menthol’s better when you’re high,” Koki said, still struggling to catch his breath and making no effort to shove Junno off of him. “Fact.”

“He’s right,” Jin agreed. “ _I_ have menthol, and none of you bitches are getting any.”

“I’ll blow you,” offered Ueda.

Jin tossed him a stick.

“I just jerked you off,” pointed out Maru.

Jin held out a stick for him.

“I…” Koki paused. “I dressed up like a girl and pretended to blow you onstage.”

Jin raised an eyebrow. “So?”

“I fucked you last night,” said Junno unenthusiastically.

Jin threw him the whole box. Junno smiled with what looked like the last of his energy and offered it to Koki.

“Thanks, Taguchi.” Koki flashed Jin a smug look and lit up.

“Ne~, Jin,” Kame said conversationally. “Who topped last night?”

“Me,” said Junno nonchalantly.

“EH~!?” Kame, Maru, and Ueda screeched. Koki gave Junno a high-five.

Jin shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal,” Ueda repeated in disbelief. “You had Taguchi’s cock in your ass, Akanishi.”

“So what.” Jin stared at the ceiling and took a long drag. “You act like it was the first time.”

“EH~!?”

Kame threw a couch pillow at Jin. “Akanishi, you slut.”

Jin scoffed. “Like you haven’t, Kame-chan.”

Koki gaped. “Say it isn’t so!”

“I have _not_ ,” Kame said strongly. “Who the fuck told you I had?”

“The guy who fucked you,” Jin replied with a smirk.

“Well, he _lied_.”

“Okay.” Jin reached into his pocket for his cell phone and pushed number one on his speed dial, pushing the ‘speaker’ button and giving Kame his smuggest look.

“Bakanish~,” the familiar voice answered. “What the fuck do you want? I’m educating Ryo-chan on fanservice.”

Ueda made a face purely on principal.

Jin cleared his throat importantly. “Did you or did you not have sexual intercourse with Kamenashi Kazuya on the set of _Nobuta wo Produce_?”

“Of course!” Yamapi declared brightly. “Why, is he there? Kame-chan, do you not remember our beautiful nights together? Those uniforms were fun, ne?”

“I hate you both, so much,” Kame said darkly, covering his face with his hands and pulling his knees to his chest. “I thought we agreed that never happened!”

Yamapi laughed in his insane way. “No, _you_ agreed that it never happened. Which doesn’t make it an agreement since it was with yourself. But whatever. It’s not like either one of us were sober.” Yamapi paused. “It’s sad that I can say that for most of you, ne?”

Koki grunted his agreement. Everyone stared at him. “What? I told you we did a dorama together.”

“What the hell, Koki’s there too?”

“We’re all here,” said Junno happily. “Hi, Yamapi-chan!”

“Taguchi! The one KAT-TUN member I haven’t slept with yet.” Yamapi chuckled again. “How are you?”

Ueda busied himself with the weed and Maru took on a deer-in-headlights look as Koki glared at them. “You two didn’t even do a dorama with him!”

“Nakamaru-kun works with Koyama,” Yamapi said simply. “Guilty by association. And Ueda-kun is -”

“If you want to live, you will stop right there,” warned Ueda.

Ryo’s voice screeched mockingly in the background. “Aishite’ru, Uebo-hime!”

Ueda seethed and broke the joint he was working on.

Kame uncovered his face and sat normally. “Okay, I don’t feel so bad anymore.”

“You shouldn’t,” said Yamapi straightforwardly. “Sex with me is so much better than sex with my bandmates. Trust me, I would know. Is there anything else you want, Bakanishi?”

“Just to get that image out of my head,” replied Jin, wrinkling his nose up in disgust. “Really, Tat-chan. _Ryo_?”

“Fat Jin! Fat Jin!” Ryo shouted into the phone. “You’re just jealous I didn’t choose you.”

“If by ‘jealous’ you mean ‘grateful’, then yes.” Jin positioned his finger over the ‘end’ button. “I’m hanging up now. Ja ne.”

“Hey, are you guys having an or-”

Ryo’s voice died as Jin flipped his phone shut. Ten eyes stared at Ueda.

“I have a knife in my pocket,” said Ueda slowly. “Don’t fuck with me.”

“Who topped?” asked Kame, grinning stupidly.

Both Koki and Junno held Ueda back as he leapt towards the couch.

Jin put out his cigarette and reached for the weed. “You’re cut off, Tat-chan. No violence.”

Maru hung his head in shame. “If it makes you feel any better, Tat-chan, I slept with Koyama.”

“EH~!?”

“Oh, wait, you were in a dorama together,” said Koki, nodding. “Then it’s okay.”

“Koichi-sempai was also in that dorama,” Kame pointed out. “Did you fuck him too?”

“God no,” said Maru, shuddering. “I had enough of that when we were working for him.”

All six of them shared knowing looks.

“Buzzkill!” Junno announced, trying to ‘draw’ pictures in Koki’s smoke with his finger.

Ueda calmed down, leaning against Junno for lack of a better place. Junno automatically ran his fingers through Ueda’s hair, making him emit a continuous rumbling noise.

“Tat-chan,” said Junno slowly. “Are you purring?”

“Nya,” Ueda replied, promptly bursting into giggles.

“Neko-chan,” Jin said affectionately, falling back against Ueda with the completed joint between his fingers. Despite being a complete skeleton, Ueda was surprisingly comfortable; Jin settled back against him as he felt around for Kame’s lighter.

“That is my crotch, Akanishi,” Koki said evenly.

“Lighter,” Jin sputtered out, his head drifting back towards Ueda’s shoulder.

Ueda brushed Jin’s hair out of the way and purred directly into his ear, wrapping both arms around him when he groaned and threatened to jump out of his skin.

“That is _still_ my crotch, Aka-”

“Oh, can it,” Jin spat distractedly, straining his neck around until he blindly found Ueda’s lips.

Koki leaned over and snatched the neglected joint. “Guess I’m getting first dibs on this one too.”

“I’ll take that,” Kame said matter-of-factly, pinching the joint and sticking it between his lips before Koki could bitch. His eyes swept the floor for his lighter, and through the blurry assortment of colors he saw it wedged under Jin’s left thigh.

Kame frowned.

Maru followed his gaze, holding himself up with both hands on Kame’s shoulders and squinting to see what Kame was looking at. Giggling, he lowered his arms and looped them around Kame’s waist. “You want me to get it?”

“ _No_ ,” Kame said a little too forcefully, his eyes glued to where Ueda was feeling Jin up in front of everyone.

Koki inched his hand closer and closer to the lighter until, in one quick motion, he snatched it and tossed it to Kame. While Kame happily lit up (“Hypocrite,” Jin mumbled into Ueda’s mouth), Koki stared at the back of Jin’s thigh as though he were in awe at the mere sight of it, tentatively approaching it with a finger until he made contact.

Jin whimpered, kissing Ueda harder. Koki considered this and poked again, this time higher and further inside. Jin _moaned_ , spreading his legs in an undeniable plea for more. Smirking now, Koki accepted the joint from Junno and took his hit while continuing to trace random patterns along Jin’s inseam, watching his pants bulge once again.

Maru tightened his hold on Kame, nuzzling into the back of Kame’s neck as he kept an eye on Koki. “Let’s move over there, Kame-chan.”

Kame’s brain was too clouded to argue. “Okay,” he said quietly, like his voice had since left him, and crawled over to where Koki was laying until he was almost hovering over him, Maru right behind him. “Hi,” he said blankly.

“Hi!” Koki replied in a surprised tone, as though he hadn’t known Kame was two inches from his face. “I’m fucking with Akanishi.”

“I see that,” Kame replied, lowering himself on top of Koki for two very good reasons: one, Kame’s arms were tired of holding him up; and two, Koki looked like a small, bony pillow.

Koki shifted and exhaled contently as he wrapped his free arm around Kame’s waist, brushing his hand against Maru. Lacing their fingers together, Maru lowered their hands until they were on Kame’s ass, kneading the soft flesh while Kame whimpered and pushed against Koki.

When Kame opened his eyes, Jin’s pants had disappeared. He briefly wondered where pants went when they disappeared like that, figuring he would soon find out since his own were being tugged off at that very second. In the next second, however, Kame forgot all about pants and focused entirely on Maru’s tongue licking a hot, wet trail down the center of his ass.

Koki accepted Kame’s eager kiss as Maru spread his cheeks and circled his tongue around the tiny hole, occasionally poking inside and lapping at the tight muscle. Kame’s words were incomprehensible as he sucked on Koki’s bottom lip, rolling his hips against him simply because he was hard and he was there.

Chuckling, Maru pulled back and glanced over at Jin. “Akanishi,” he said quietly, the depth of his voice reverberating against Kame’s sensitive skin. “Do you have any… um, stuff?”

Ueda giggled, abandoning Jin’s mouth for his ear. “That’s like asking if he has any food.”

“Kitchen,” Jin gasped, arching his back as Koki’s fingers danced behind his balls. “Under the sink.”

“You keep _lube_ under the _kitchen sink_?” Ueda asked in amazement.

“I’ll get it!” Junno volunteered, his departure causing Ueda and Jin to fall backwards towards the floor.

Jin started to turn around, but Ueda halted him by running his hands down his hips to his ass, gently pushing his thighs apart and spreading him open for everyone to see.

“Embarrassing,” Jin moaned halfheartedly, latching his teeth onto Ueda’s neck as Ueda began to stroke his erection with both hands.

With Kame now biting his collarbone, Koki turned back to Jin and examined Jin’s most intimate assets, experimentally flicking his fingertip around the puckered hole and taking pride in Jin’s resulting wail and full-body jolt.

It was at this point that Junno returned with a gallon-sized jug.

“Oh, my…” Ueda began, breaking off his shotgun with Jin in favor of bewilderment. “Is that from _Costco_?”

“Of course,” Jin replied, breathing heavily.

Ueda laughed hysterically. “What the hell do you need a gallon of lube for?”

Jin bit him. “I don’t see you fuckers complaining.”

“Somebody fuck me,” Kame said in a small voice, instantly flushing bright red as he continued to move forward against Koki and back against Maru.

“See?” said Jin, looking smug.

Ueda grunted and dipped two fingers into the jug, shoving them straight into Jin while Koki snatched his hand away at the last second and watched in awe.

Jin yelped and sat up straight, straddling Ueda’s hips backwards as he more or less rode Ueda’s fingers. “ _Tat-chan_ ,” he crooned.

Maru started to unfasten his belt, rubbing Kame’s hip comfortingly, until Koki’s head snapped towards him and he was met with a nasty glare. “But -” he began, abandoning his efforts and frowning. “Okay. Sorry Kame.”

Kame slowly kissed his way down Koki’s body until he reached his belly button. “ _Kou_ -ki-kun,” he whined. “I’ll do whatever you want if you let him.”

Groaning, Koki thrust a hand into Kame’s wild hair, his actions defying his words. “No.”

“Or…” Kame looked up and smiled shyly. “I could be in the middle.”

“I like that idea,” spoke up Maru, tightening his grip on Kame’s hip in an effort to release his frustration.

“ _No_ ,” said Koki again, more harshly. “I want Yuichi to fuck _me_. Not Kamenashi. _Me_.”

Maru shoved Kame roughly out of the way and jumped on Koki, his tongue diving into the other’s mouth as he made quick work of their pants and pushed Koki’s knees up to his chest. He blindly reached out for the lube, which had been conveniently placed in the middle of them all – thank you Taguchi – and prepared Koki lovingly, swallowing every whimper and plea for more.

Pouting, Kame looked up at Jin, who was struggling to focus properly with Ueda’s fingers banging against his prostate. “Jin-chan…”

“I don’t think so,” Ueda said strongly, bending his knees and withdrawing his fingers from Jin just in time for him to be pushed back onto his cock. “ _Fuck_ , Akanishi.”

Jin looped his arms around Ueda’s knees, squeezing his eyes shut and crying out as Ueda pounded into him from below.

Kame was about to cry when he felt an arm wrap around him from behind, a slick finger making its way teasingly up the back of his thigh. “I’ve got you, Kame-chan,” Junno whispered, licking a path from the base of his spine up to his hairline.

Kame shivered and pounced onto all fours, nudging Jin’s damp hair with his forehead in order to get him to acknowledge him while Junno’s fingers expertly stretched him. “Jin-chan,” Kame whispered. “Look at me.”

Hearing his earlier words repeated to him in such a tone made Jin pop open his eyes. Kame was right there, in front of his face, staring at him intently and biting his lip as Junno thrust into him. “Kame-chan,” he said quietly, lowering a shaky hand to grip onto Kame’s.

Maru’s mewling noises started up again as he slid into Koki, making Ueda growl and latch onto both of Jin’s hips, pulling him down at the same time he pushed up. Trying to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head, Jin tugged on Kame’s hand until Kame got the point and scooted closer, Junno following obediently behind.

Kame wasted absolutely no more time and crashed their mouths together. Their kisses were open-mouthed and breathy, but their tongues curled around each other and that seemed to be enough. Jin bit down onto Kame’s bottom lip when he felt Kame’s hand slide down his sweaty chest and wrap around his achingly hard cock, and Kame moaned loudly and femininely when Jin returned the favor.

“Fuck,” spat Ueda, staring at the ceiling as Jin rode him faster. “Akanishi, I’m gonna come.”

“Don’t let him come inside you,” Kame whispered against Jin’s lips.

Jin lifted up his lower half just before Ueda groaned and smacked the back of his head on the floor, instantly reaching for his cock and finishing himself off. “Give me a cigarette,” he demanded of the room as a whole.

“Let me _come_ first,” Jin said testily, climbing over Ueda’s legs and pulling Kame down on top of him. “Kame-chan -”

“Ka-zu-ya,” Kame sputtered, hugging Jin tightly as Junno pounded against his spot. “Call – me – Ka-zu-ya.”

“Ka-zu-ya,” Jin repeated, smiling so big that he thought his face might break. He wrapped his legs around Kame’s waist and urged him forwards, conveying his request without words.

Kame fused his mouth to Jin’s as he slipped inside him, their sweaty skin making loud sticking noises that made them both giggle in the midst of their moans.

Junno giggled as well, pulling out and stroking himself until he shot pearly white streaks all over Kame’s back. He promptly fell over backwards and turned his head to look dreamily at Ueda. “Hi, Tat-chan.”

“Hi, Taguchi,” Ueda replied tonelessly, sighing as he blindly searched his immediate surrounding area for Jin’s cigarettes.

“ _Kou-ki_ ,” Maru rasped, his erratic moans mixing with Koki’s low grunts as he pumped Koki’s cock in time to his equally as erratic thrusts. “I fucking love you, Koki-kun. So much.”

Ueda made the ‘make me puke’ motion and Junno laughed hysterically.

“Yuu-chan,” Koki murmured in reply, arching his back with enough force to make Maru temporarily airborne. “Love. You. Too. _Unnn_ ~” His groan drew out as he spilled onto his chest, Maru following directly after.

“Taguchi, daisuki!” Ueda mocked in a fake, high-pitched voice.

“Not as much as I love _you_ , Tat-chan!” Junno squealed back. Whether he was playing along or not was anyone’s guess.

“Assholes,” Koki muttered, slowly lowering his legs as Maru curled up on top of him.

“I’d say you love him,” Ueda said, poking Koki in the forehead. “You totally went ass to mouth.”

Junno gasped. “He did!”

“I did no such thing,” Koki replied.

“Actually…” began Maru.

They were interrupted by Jin _singing_ ; the ass-to-mouth debate halting as four heads swiveled towards Jin and Kame. It was nothing comprehensible, just a series of high notes that only Jin could hit as a red-faced Kame drove into him, showering Jin’s neck and throat with moist, promising kisses. Kame was doing well to hold himself upright, leaving Jin to take care of himself in the most erotic way possible; he stroked his cock diligently, pressing his thumb into the slit while his other hand traced random patterns around his chest, his body jerking when he would graze a nipple.

“Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiin,” Kame breathed, stretching out the first syllable until he ran out of air. “Come with me.”

Jin didn’t – couldn’t – reply, only quickening his pace and grabbing a handful of his own flesh as he squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth together and rolling his hips up towards where he was joined with Kame. “ _Kazuya_ ,” he hissed as he came, the air leaving his lungs in one vocal exhale.

Kame let out a piercing scream as his entire body shuddered and stilled, collapsing in deadweight against Jin. Struggling to catch his breath, he smiled at Jin and looked around to see everyone staring at them. “Pervs,” he declared.

Ueda’s attention returned to Koki. “You totally went ass to mouth,” he said again.

“Ew,” said Jin. “You _never_ go ass to mouth.”

“It wasn’t even his ass,” Ueda went on. “It was Kame’s.”

Kame rolled his eyes. “My ass tastes like roses.”

“Do you even know what roses taste like?” asked Maru. “I don’t think they’d be very tasty.”

Koki smacked Maru upside his head. “Why did you make me go ass to mouth?”

“Oh, because going _dick_ to mouth is okay,” Maru shot back. “You tasted like Kame too.”

Kame felt oddly proud.

“Dick to mouth is fine,” said Jin. “Speaking of, Tat-chan, I believe you owe me head.”

Ueda smirked, eyeing Jin’s spent cock. “What, you want it now?”

“Nope.” Jin grinned. “Just going to remember that you owe me head.”

Ueda rolled his eyes. “What happened to that J?”

“What happened to _dinner_?” groaned Maru, his stomach growling on cue.

“Oh, shit!” Jin exclaimed, scrambling out from under Kame and stumbling completely nude into the kitchen.

Junno peered into the ashtray. “What’s left of it is in here.”

“I sent it on hiatus,” said Koki seriously. “In favor of more pressing affairs.”

“Well.” Ueda rolled over and forced himself to sit up, making a point to return his pants to their normal state. “I’m too fucked up to drive. You better have a big bed, Akanishi.”

“California King,” Jin replied, whistling as he brought out the fondue pot and bread loaves. “It’s not burned _too_ bad.”

“I need a shower,” Kame mumbled, half asleep on the floor.

“FOOD,” Maru boomed, reaching the table in one leap.

Junno crawled into Ueda’s lap as Koki and Maru fed each other and Jin dragged Kame into the bathroom. “Do you think they’ll remember this tomorrow?” he whispered.

“I hope so,” Ueda replied. “Otherwise it will be pretty awkward.”

~*~*~*~

As the sun peeked through the curtains of Akanishi Jin’s bedroom, the bed’s six occupants stirred in confusion. However, it wasn’t the light that woke them, it was the shrill shriek of one Kamenashi Kazuya when he opened his eyes and found himself face-to-face with a very naked, very sated Jin.

“So much for ‘Akame’,” Ueda mumbled amusedly, yanking a pillow over his head as Kame toppled to the floor, flailing madly.

Junno yawned and peeked open an eye to see Koki and Maru managing to hide their faces from each other while almost every body part was tangled together. “Embarrassing,” Koki whispered, and Maru nodded as he snuggled closer.

“Kame-chan!” Jin squealed in concern, hanging over the edge of the bed. “Are you okay?”

Kame groaned in pain, holding his head. “My brain hurts. You broke my _brain_ , Akanishi.”

“Ne~,” Junno hissed to Ueda, who turned his head enough to expose an ear. “How many more times do you think it will take for them to get it?”

“Who knows,” Ueda replied, his voice muffled. “But it sure is fun in the meantime.”


End file.
